Linggo, Setyembre 9, 2012

Lee Kikwang ♥

At first I didn’t really like him. I thought he was just some rookie who he thinks he’s everything. I don’t even like his gestures. Those winks that he does. I do got the hots for guys who’s good at dancing but I didn’t even bother to look at his dancing-though he was the main dancer. He looks quite familiar when I first saw him with BEAST. Only to know that he was AJ. I did saw his music video for dancing shoes and I was quite impressed. I even titled him as “mini-RAIN”. But again, I wasn’t aware that it was him. I continued to ignore him until one day, I decided to actually search some things about him. I don’t know why but as I was reading some articles about him, I was starting to eat my words. Truly, I was impressed. He was not just a HANDSOME FACE. With that, I got more and more interested in him. I started viewing some of his pictures. There were, of course, A LOT. Everything pictured his silliness, naughtiness and his…SMILE. One thing I will never forget would be the time when I went through this photo of his and it just captivated me. His perfect eye smile did. Yeah. I’ve seen a lot of those before but the time I saw his felt kinda different. I don’t know why but it felt so light and he seems so familiar. (Not in a way that I’ve known him as AJ). He looks so familiar but I didn’t bother to think about it. But to tell you the truth,his smile never left my mind. 

And as I grow more and more interested in him, the hours I spent in front of the computer grew larger in number. Kekeke~ But seriously it did. There was even a time when I was really confused on whose face to put on as a wallpaper. (Between Jaejoong and him actually.) Then there, I put Jaejoong as the wallpaper and him as the screen saver. There was a time when I was really confused. I was very depressed when TVXQ disbanded and then suddenly here comes B2ST and Kikwang. I was so focused on TVXQ that their disbandment broke my heart. But BEAST was there and I tried to focus on them.

 With that, I get to know more about them. And my bias was in no constant manner. FromYang YoseobtoJang Hyunseungand finally, toLee Kikwang.Yes. Kikwang is my ultimater bias until now. I know I was rough on him at first but within that period of time, I started to appreciate him and he eventually became my bias. As my fangirling life progresses, I continue to find reasons to love Kikwang. He’s not perfect but there’s something in him that I just can’t get enough of. People call himbabo(Korean term for “fool”) but for I find nothing wring with it. Well, not because he’s my bias but because that’s him. Why would I focus on changing his flaws when I can embrace and accept it? I didn’t like him because he’s handsome. Yeah, he does have one hot hell of a body but I didn’t love him for that. I took those things as bonus. Because regardless of those things, I love Kikwang because he’s humble and honest. He’s not afraid to show off what he really is. Though he know very well that girls are swarming over him, he managed to be humble and he didn’t even boast it off to everyone. If people would tell him about those things, he would manage to smile and just nod. Even he, himself doesn’t believe that a lot of girls are crazy over him. (Including  me. :P). And also he is a loving brother, both to BEAST andHyekyung.Sometimes, if the other members would play prank on him, he would just stay silent and smile. He’s a very down-to-earth guy.
 And his smile is just…I can’t explain it. There’s something unexplainable about it. I’ve been like this towards his smile ever since the first time I saw it. It feels so light and calming. The way that his eyes smile with him is just so…heavenly. Everything feels so different. That’s why when my co-fangirls would ask me what I loved most on his physical appearance, I would always answer his smile. I do get crazy over his sculpted abs but everything is nothing once he flashes his smile. I love it and I love him. I know it’s crazy but I do. It’s so hard to feel something like this. Falling in love with an idol…The hardest part of being a fangirl. I laugh about it every time I talk about it with my friends but deep inside, it’s with full honesty. They take it as a joke but for me, it is what I truly feels. A lot of people would tell me that I would outgrow it anyway but I don’t want to. i don’t wanna give up on being a fan girl. And I don’t wanna quit. I know it’s a 1:100 ratio of winning him but I hold onto that 1% ratio. It’s better than nothing. He motivates me. He makes me smile. He makes me happy and most of all, he inspires me. And I guess, that’s what a true fangirl is. :D

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