Letting Go...

.They say happiness comes in different forms. But what if that happiness comes with a consequence? Say you’re in love with this specific guy and he feels the same way. But he’s no ordinary guy, your social status clash in every way. He’s life isn’t in the private light. Everybody knows him; everybody screams his name when he’s around. You were totally aware of his profile. You knew that he’s the type of guy who goes from country to country prior to his job. And you also knew that everything he does becomes a hot topic; and that involves his affairs and acquaintances. You decided to be together despite the inevitable consequences. You were happy. But both of you can’t deny that a lot of people were against your relationship. Both of you tried to fight for it but it was no good. The consequences kept on getting worse until you came up with a decision – ending you relationship. Though it will break your heart, you knew it was the right thing to do; it will save you both, most especially him. You were certain with your decision but he wasn’t letting go. He was totally in love with you and you were totally in love with him but sometimes consequences can manipulate everything you have. People come in our lives for a reason and they also go for a reason. And when those people go, we tend to blame ourselves with the painful truth. Letting go doesn’t always mean saying goodbye. Sometimes letting go serves as a break from something. It allows us to give some time for ourselves, as well as for that other person. It gives us the opportunity to find ourselves. And if we don’t find ourselves in that span of time, then that’s the time we can say that we truly belong with that person. Take letting go as a detour in a road trip, sometimes we have to try these detours to determine whether the path we’re taking works for us or not. Detours might lead us to a different destination but it doesn’t matter for if we know where we’re heading, we’ll never get lost. Besides, if these detours don’t work, then that’s the time we go back to the previous path and continue driving

Easy come.. Easy go...

 

I was really inspired with the song "Easy" by B2ST. The whole message of the song is heartbreaking but I can't get enough of it. That's why I decided to write something about it :)

LEE KIKWANG ♥

Falling Inlove with my B-I-A-S.

Someone Great and Fragile…

My mind pictures a guy’s face as I was writing this. I don’t know if this thing I’m feeling is into

something real or just another illusion that my heart creates. His smile never left my mind. His words never left my thoughts.  His angelic face causes my heart to beat faster as if it was being chased by something. Every time my mind pictures his stares, it’s like dejavu.  He makes me feel through his songs. Hearing his voice makes me feel like I’m there beside him and not far away. I tried to fight it but this emotion’s just too strong. I tried to think that this is just one of those crazy fictions I have. But something tells me it isn’t. Thinking of him reminds me of destiny.  Is he the one? – I keep on asking myself. My mind tells me he’s not, but my heart continues to give me reasons to have faith and follow what it says. Every time he’s with someone else, my heart seems to collapse bit by bit. I tried to get mad at him but again, my heart takes over me and tells me that he has reasons. I tried to divert myself but it seems that my emotions keep on pulling me back to him.  I may forget him sometimes but as I lay myself, preparing to sleep, again, my feelings for him creeps inside me and reminds me of him. I don’t know but there are instances that I feel like I’m missing someone and realize that it’s him. I just can’t seem to understand why I get to miss him when I haven’t even got the chance to spend time with him.  I’m like a lover from a far. Supplying the days of longing for him by looking at a pile of photos that pictures his happiness, silliness and even loneliness. How I want to wipe his tears away every time I see him crying, seeing him weak pierce my heart. I never like the thought of someone I love being lonely. He’s precious even if we haven’t met yet. I love him even he’s too far away from me. Call me crazy but I’m proud to say I’m in love with someone who’s great and fragile.

I LOVE YOU MISTER!!! :]]]] <3

Once a FANGIRL, always a FANGIRL ♥

Being a K-pop fan isn’t easy. You get to hear various bashes from a lot of different people. You are presented with a lot of questions. People around you tend to question your interest. Just like on my case, they can’t help but get curious about everything I do regarding K-pop. Even my own family would ask me why I like K-pop and why in the world am I screaming every time my favorite Korean group is on TV. It’s easy. K-pop had a good influence on me. Well, on my perspective. I don’t know how many times I have repeated in my various essays but K-pop did help me in some ways of my life.

We all know that Korean Pop is making it huge globally. With that, a lot of youths of this present generation are not only focusing on Korean Pop but rather a lot of them are getting interested in everything involved in Korea ; from the food, to the fashion even up to the culture itself. As a K-pop fan myself, I can never deny that fact. I am one of those youths who go crazy over idol groups. People would tend to present numerous questions about my interest. The problem is that people are so subjective. They only believe on what they think. Most of the time, they would bash K-pop in front of my face; regardless of the fact that I am a K-pop fan. They would always say that Korean celebrities, most especially idols, are gay. Is that even justifiable? Call me immature or what but sometimes, it’s just getting a bit below the belt. I understand that we all have different interests in music. But we have to learn respect. Not everybody likes K-pop but we have to consider that K-pop has its own appeals. Korean Pop doesn’t deserve to bash because it doesn’t harm anybody. Most of the time, Korean Pop has good effect on its audience. Korean Pop helped a young lady like me discovered myself. Is that even possible? Yes of course; because it happened to me. At first, it was just any other addiction but as I grow older with it, it eventually became an inspiration. Most especially when I encountered this group named B2ST/BEAST. They are just another idol group in Korea consists of 6 members namely Yoon Doojoon, Jang Hynseung, Yong Junhyung, Yang Yoseob, Lee Kikwang and Son Dongwoon. I was already a K-pop fan when I first encountered their group in their debut song “Bad Girl”. At first, I find them funny with their weird looking white outfits. Some of its members even scared me. But I would be lying if I say that I didn’t like their song. The track ‘Bad Girl’ was cute and I admit that. I even watched the music video for numerous times online. But being a fan of one of the most veteran idol group TVXQ that time, I didn’t really bother to focus my attention on them. I remembered well how I compare them with TVXQ before. Until such time, Tong Vfang Xien Qi disbanded in 2009. Their disbandment became a threat to my fan girling life. Being an avid of them, I was really depressed that time. I won’t deny the fact that I cried numerous times because of that event. I was thinking that maybe, K-pop wasn’t really for me. That depression went on for months until one day, when I opened the television, one headline caught my attention. “Korean boy group BEAST is in the country to take part on a concert for a cause” – I remembered well the way they look that time. They were still at the airport when that specific interview was done. Various networks covered their arrival at the national airport. I wasn’t really that affected when I heard the news. I was glad though. But I really didn’t go all giddy over them that time; knowing that I was still trying to cope up with TVXQ’s disbandment. Their concert here in the Philippines together with Kim Hyun Joong was aired on TV. It was entitled ‘K-pop Meets P-pop’. As a K-pop fan, missing any Korean concert is not on my list so I decided to actually watch their concert on TV. I don’t know why but that time, I suddenly became like a little girl who was smiling as wide as the clown’s when she gets her favorite doll. I had to admit, they were looking so good with their grey and black outfits. They look like perfect boyfriends. It was 10 in the evening that time so there was nothing more I could do but put a pillow on my mouth so that no one could hear me screaming. They were so handsome!!! I swear to God, the moment they sang the song ‘Oasis’(I honestly didn’t know the title that time) with roses on their hands, how I wish I was there to get one of it. They were serenading the whole audience with their distinct and perfect vocals. I would die to have one rose coming from them. I was even stretching out my hand to the television and I kept on saying, “I wanna have one too!!” “Oppa! Give me one. Please!!” Sounds crazy but I really did that. The mob was getting crazier and crazier every minute. God! How I envy those fans that were there. They played the stage well and they really pulled off a great performance. I was really impressed with the kind of performance they showed onstage. The way their attitudes and qualities compliments the whole atmosphere is really something that caught my attention. My impression on them changed ever since that day.

Lucky enough, their documentary was shown in MTV Asia and I didn’t hesitate to watch it. The documentary showed their journey before becoming idol stars. The whole documentary was epic. They were really funny kids. They were having on their own ways and I too can’t help but laugh every time they would crack a joke on one of their members. The documentary also showed the hardships on their journey. Like any other idol group, their journey wasn’t easy. They were even named as ‘The Recycled Group’ because all of them had their frustrations as they get to achieve their dreams of becoming singers/performers. Being called a recycled group hurt them a lot, most especially that they all know that they were giving everything they could just to present a wonderful performance. The criticisms continued up to the moment they released ‘Bad Girl’ and their first mini album ‘B2ST is the BEST’.

Being a witness to their journey and of course, being a witness to their hardships is really touching. The way they stood up despite everything made me a fan of them. I saw how strong they were. Or better yet, I saw how they stayed strong despite the never ending criticisms. With that, they weren’t just idols for me. They’re human. I was truly inspired on how they endure everything just to make their dreams come true. They were fighters. A lot of doors closed as they were starting their journey. A lot of people were bringing them down. And as a fan, I saw how worse those challenges are; challenges that were enough to make anyone give up and cry. I may not really know or understand how they felt during those times but I was pretty sure that it was really hard for them. It might have been really hard to get over everything. Another plus factor for me would be their determination. Instead of giving up, they made their selves better and they were determined to create their own mark in the industry. And they didn’t fail. They released their second mini album ‘Shock of the New Era’ with the title track ‘Shock’. They really did left a mark with their very own genre called ‘rocktronic’ – a combination of rock and electronic sounds. The sweet guys-next-door turned into steaming dangerous rockers. The whole image transformation is seen on the whole theme of the album. From a bright gentleman mood to a dark sexy one; it wasn’t just a transition. It was a transformation. Their promotions gained a lot of attention. Their mini album swept off various charts; both Asian and non-Asian ones. From being the recycled group, B2ST’s image eventually into the group that made guyliner (guy eyeliner) looks sexy. I would agree to that.

The group had been active in variety and reality shows. One of my favorites would be B2ST IDOL MAID. This was a reality show wherein the group will employ a celebrity maid and of course, as a maid, they will do everything that their employers want them to do; regardless of the fact that they are known celebrities. Idol Maid was a really funny reality show. Most especially that the well-known comedian, Shin Bongsun was hired as their maid. Every episode was filled with laughter and jokes. It was also a great opportunity to have an exclusive view of the boys’ dormitory. The maids’ competition adds up to the funny theme of the show. I can’t help but laugh every time the boys would pick their choice. What makes me appreciate the show more was the genuineness that B2ST showed. The reality did not fail to show the boys’ witty attitudes and hidden schemes. Their naughtiness was something you could look forward to. It was a good way to show the funny side of B2ST; their other side that fans like me seldom see.

I am a B2UTY and I will never deny that. It just never fails to make me laugh every time I would reminisce the way I laughed at them before, those times that I underestimate and ignore them. But those times are over. I am already a B2UTY and I am now one of the persons who will stand by their side no matter what. Why am I saying this? ; Because these boys had become my guide on discovering myself. As I said awhile ago, K-pop helped me on discovering myself and B2ST was the instrument. I was a fan and as a fan, I was growing with them. Because of them, I realized that I am now capable of only one thing. Being their fan made me realize that I can be anything I want to be. But above all, they made me a better person. Like them, I’ve encountered hardships on my own. And like them, I learned to stand by my own two feet. They made me realize that no one can ever bring me down by their words/actions but rather, it is ME who is in full control of I will allow myself get affected by those stuff or stand up and prove to them that I am way better than them.

Naega Aniya.. Jeongmal Aniya..

Romanized:

Achim 7shibu-teo nuntteu-chamaja i-reona
Chingu mannaseo yaegi jom haesseo
Keurigo naseo chaju kadeon goseseo bab jom meokko nawah-sseo
Yeoja mal-go du-ri dujunirang du-ri

Ni-ga eodi-seo museun ma-reul deudkoseo
Nae-ge hwahnae-neunji nan molla oh cheongmal nan molla
Hongdae keu-lleoben na kan jeokdo eop-seo
Keureonikka eojesbam ni-ga jalmot bon geoya

Nae-ga aniya cheongmal aniya keu aen nae-ga aniya
Myeoch beoneul marhaejwoya dwaeh nae-ga aniya
Nae-ga aniya cheongmal aniya keu aen nae-ga aniya
Cheongmal neo keol-ko ttan yeojan eop-seo neo mal-go ttan yeojan eop-seo

Da dareun saramil keoya keu keu keureohke boji ma
Chigeum naneun shikeun ttameun chillyeoseo-ga aniya
Saram manheun geo shirheohaneun geo ni-ga jal al-janha
Charari nae-ga majeumyeon eokurhajido anha
Yeo-gi jom deomne tto ttami nane
Kyesok deu-rigin mul ttae-me hwah-jangshil jom danyeo-ol-ke
Oh baby museun ma-reul keureohke hae
Eo… Amugeot-do aniya

Hwahnaeji mal-go nae mal hanbeon deu-reobwah
Na wonrae keojinmal jal mothae neodo jal al-janha
Haendeuponeun jibe du-go kasseo
Keureonikka keuman hwah pu-reo mwo kajko shipeo

Nae-ga aniya cheongmal aniya keu aen nae-ga aniya
Myeoch beoneul marhaejwoya dwaeh nae-ga aniya
Nae-ga aniya cheongmal aniya keu aen nae-ga aniya
Cheongmal neo keol-ko ttan yeojan eop-seo neo mal-go ttan yeojan eop-seo

Nae nae nae nae-ga aniya
I’m not trust me baby
Nae nae nae nae-ga aniya
I’m not trust me baby
Nae nae nae nae-ga aniya
I’m not trust me baby
Nae nae nae nae-ga aniya
A aniya aniya

Nae-ga aniya cheongmal aniya keu aen nae-ga aniya
Myeoch beoneul marhaejwoya dwaeh nae-ga aniya
Nae-ga aniya cheongmal aniya keu aen nae-ga aniya
Cheongmal neo keol-ko ttan yeojan eop-seo neo mal-go ttan yeojan eop-seo

Seolma seolma hae-nneunde sshi-ga dwaeh-sseo mari
Oh god shineun nae-ge deung dollyeosseo imi
Dwiiro neomeojyeodo ko-ga dachikesseo
Yosae kkumjari-ga choh-ji anhda haesseo
Imneun styleeul jom bakkwoya-gesseo
Nune jal an ttyineun blacgi chohkesseo
Ibeon juma-ren eum shwiineun ge chohket-ji
Na eobshido tteugeob-get-ji bul-taneun friday

English Translation:

At 7 AM, as soon as I opened my eyes, I got up
I met up with a friend and talked for a bit
Afterwards, I went to eat at a place I go often and left
Not with a girl but with Doojoon, just us two

I don’t know where you heard this from
I don’t know why you’re getting angry oh I really don’t know
I never went to the club at Hongdae
So you were mistaken last night

It’s not me, it’s really not, that kid was not me
How many times do I have to tell you, it’s not me
It’s not me, it’s really not, that kid was not me
I swear to you, I have no other girl, I have no other girl but you

It must have been a different guy, don’t look at me like that
My cold sweat is not because I feel guilty
You know that I hate going to crowded places
If it was really me, I wouldn’t be this upset
It’s a bit hot here, I’m sweating again
I drank too much water, I’m going to the bathroom
Oh baby, how can you say that?
Uh… it’s nothing

Don’t get mad and listen to me
You know I’m not good at lying
I left my phone at home
So please don’t be mad – what do you want to have?

It’s not me, it’s really not, that kid was not me
How many times do I have to tell you, it’s not me
It’s not me, it’s really not, that kid was not me
I swear to you, I have no other girl, I have no other girl but you

It’s not me
I’m not Trust me baby
It’s not me
I’m not Trust me baby
It’s not me
I’m not Trust me baby
It’s not me
It’s not, it’s not

It’s not me, it’s really not, that kid was not me
How many times do I have to tell you, it’s not me
It’s not me, it’s really not, that kid was not me
I swear to you, I have no other girl, I have no other girl but you

I said “what if, what if” and my words became reality
Oh god, the gods have turned against me already
If I fall backwards, my nose will get hurt^
I have been having bad dreams lately
I need to change my clothes style now
Black is good since it won’t catch eyes
It’d be better to take a rest this weekend
Friday will be hot even without me

The first time I heard this song, I was really impressed. Most especially to the fact that Yong Junhyung wrote it. I just wonder if this was for Hara. Well, enough of that. I’m not really a fan of the JunHara couple. Hmm. The song was ear catching. Let me start from the first verse.

Jang Hyunseung’s voice is really something that I can never leave out. His voice is one of my favorite. He gave the song an RnB touch in it and being a fan of RnB, I can say that his voice fits the song.

Son Dongwoon’s voice is really sexy I may say. I don’t know how to describe it but for me, that word sure fits his voice. Everytime I hear his voice, I always forgot that his youngest. He sounds so manly and sexy. :)))

Lee Kikwang’s is…alright! He’s my bias but I’ll be fair. His voice is not my favorite among them but his voice is enough to make every woman drop to their feet. And the way he sang his parts in the live shows with that choreography is really..STEAMY! :) Just by listening to him, you can imagine how sorry he was to the girl and how determined he is to prove to the girl that he’s faithful to her. Only, in a sexy manner. :P

Yang Yoseob. Whoa! If there’s one voice that I can recognize in a split second, it would be Yoseob’s. Being the chorus and adlib boy? Who would forget him. Though I like Hyunseung’s voice better, still, I can never deny that hearing Yoseob’s falsetto in this song is something that will leave you LSSed. :D

Yoon Doojoon leaduh. A lot of people keep on saying that he’s out of tune. Yeah, maybe in some songs he is but in this song, he’s not. He sound so right and the way that his voice shakes fit the song perfectly.

Yong Junhyung. Alright alright! The rapper AND! the writer. :) His really talented isn’t he. He wrote everything plus his rap part is awesome. I remembered well how my friends would react to the meaning of the song and would suddenly go all crazy on his rap part. He makes the song so…HOT! :)

So if you wanna know everything I’m talking about, go ahead and download BEAST’S “Midnight Sun”. You will find this song on Track 3 and there are still other great songs in the album! :)

Lee Kikwang ♥

At first I didn’t really like him. I thought he was just some rookie who he thinks he’s everything. I don’t even like his gestures. Those winks that he does. I do got the hots for guys who’s good at dancing but I didn’t even bother to look at his dancing-though he was the main dancer. He looks quite familiar when I first saw him with BEAST. Only to know that he was AJ. I did saw his music video for dancing shoes and I was quite impressed. I even titled him as “mini-RAIN”. But again, I wasn’t aware that it was him. I continued to ignore him until one day, I decided to actually search some things about him. I don’t know why but as I was reading some articles about him, I was starting to eat my words. Truly, I was impressed. He was not just a HANDSOME FACE. With that, I got more and more interested in him. I started viewing some of his pictures. There were, of course, A LOT. Everything pictured his silliness, naughtiness and his…SMILE. One thing I will never forget would be the time when I went through this photo of his and it just captivated me. His perfect eye smile did. Yeah. I’ve seen a lot of those before but the time I saw his felt kinda different. I don’t know why but it felt so light and he seems so familiar. (Not in a way that I’ve known him as AJ). He looks so familiar but I didn’t bother to think about it. But to tell you the truth,his smile never left my mind. 

And as I grow more and more interested in him, the hours I spent in front of the computer grew larger in number. Kekeke~ But seriously it did. There was even a time when I was really confused on whose face to put on as a wallpaper. (Between Jaejoong and him actually.) Then there, I put Jaejoong as the wallpaper and him as the screen saver. There was a time when I was really confused. I was very depressed when TVXQ disbanded and then suddenly here comes B2ST and Kikwang. I was so focused on TVXQ that their disbandment broke my heart. But BEAST was there and I tried to focus on them.

 With that, I get to know more about them. And my bias was in no constant manner. FromYang YoseobtoJang Hyunseungand finally, toLee Kikwang.Yes. Kikwang is my ultimater bias until now. I know I was rough on him at first but within that period of time, I started to appreciate him and he eventually became my bias. As my fangirling life progresses, I continue to find reasons to love Kikwang. He’s not perfect but there’s something in him that I just can’t get enough of. People call himbabo(Korean term for “fool”) but for I find nothing wring with it. Well, not because he’s my bias but because that’s him. Why would I focus on changing his flaws when I can embrace and accept it? I didn’t like him because he’s handsome. Yeah, he does have one hot hell of a body but I didn’t love him for that. I took those things as bonus. Because regardless of those things, I love Kikwang because he’s humble and honest. He’s not afraid to show off what he really is. Though he know very well that girls are swarming over him, he managed to be humble and he didn’t even boast it off to everyone. If people would tell him about those things, he would manage to smile and just nod. Even he, himself doesn’t believe that a lot of girls are crazy over him. (Including  me. :P). And also he is a loving brother, both to BEAST andHyekyung.Sometimes, if the other members would play prank on him, he would just stay silent and smile. He’s a very down-to-earth guy.

 And his smile is just…I can’t explain it. There’s something unexplainable about it. I’ve been like this towards his smile ever since the first time I saw it. It feels so light and calming. The way that his eyes smile with him is just so…heavenly. Everything feels so different. That’s why when my co-fangirls would ask me what I loved most on his physical appearance, I would always answer his smile. I do get crazy over his sculpted abs but everything is nothing once he flashes his smile. I love it and I love him. I know it’s crazy but I do. It’s so hard to feel something like this. Falling in love with an idol…The hardest part of being a fangirl. I laugh about it every time I talk about it with my friends but deep inside, it’s with full honesty. They take it as a joke but for me, it is what I truly feels. A lot of people would tell me that I would outgrow it anyway but I don’t want to. i don’t wanna give up on being a fan girl. And I don’t wanna quit. I know it’s a 1:100 ratio of winning him but I hold onto that 1% ratio. It’s better than nothing. He motivates me. He makes me smile. He makes me happy and most of all, he inspires me. And I guess, that’s what a true fangirl is. :D